A lot of people around me,
Always bugging me, teasing me about how I say I wont care, but actually I do.
But really, what's wrong with that?
I don't have much friends.
Probably because of my personality.
I am a harsh person,
If you get to know me, you'll know.
I am not mean, but I am very straight forward.
And sometimes it offends people.
The fact is, I love my flaws.
It is bad but I like it.
I like how I can tell them they have failed makeup on their face, in their face.
Because its good for them.
They will hate me, but they will after that fix their makeup and they will look better and better.
The point is, I don't mind being the bad person,
As long as the person I care about can turn into a better person with a better life.
And then I realize, I am wrong.
Always wrong.
Not everyone can accept this part of me,
Only minor of them.
Guys, they don't really care about criticism, and they are just lack of nerves,
So I never have problem with them.
I am glad they accept me as who I am.
So chill.
As for girls, WOOTS!
Fuck my life.
The face expression, the stares, the body gestures, the reaction, the way she talks,
One single move can kill you, and your friendship.
Girls.
Probably we have too perfect DNA.
Unlike men, we have more perfect DNA and it theoretically makes us smarter than them.
And makes us more perfectionist, emotional, OCD than men.
I seldom have troubles with my group of friend,
Except the fact that some of them didn't like my jokes or my straight-forwardness.
So until today, I can never handle dramas.
Because I never done such things.
And today, I realize how loser I am in friendship.
Dealing with all these dramas, checking out all these body gestures, listening to all these gossips, back stabs,
And I am just pretty sure that they hate me and shits,
Really brings me down.
I don't understand, why?
You don't like what I did, you just tell me.
In a funny way, or in a serious way.
Since I am already that mean and straight forward, I wouldn't get hurt if you just shoot me in my face.
Right?
Why do you go tell someone else instead and make yourself hating me more?
I hate this.
I hate all this.
I cant do anything ,
All i can do is just sit back and watch our group crush and shattered,
And all of us will just ended up become the "hi" strangers after we graduated.
What so fun about hating?
What so fun about gossiping?
What so fun about back stabbing?
A true friend is hard to find.
If I have to talk to you nicely, with a soft tone, use the right word,
I might as well find another friend and wipe you out of my life.
Because there are so many greater friends out there willing to accept my flaws,
And they wont judge me just because I am different from their world.
I love you all, my friends.
But you don't love me.
All you want is me faking into someone that speaks in your language,
Do it your way,
Treat you like a queen.
You know what?
You are not.
Just suck it up and accept the fact that you will never be a queen.
And start thinking in other people's shoes.
Everyone deserves that, including me.
Dear God,
Yes, it happen again.
Your daughter offended people again and she is losing friends.
This time, it doesn't hurt that bad.
Only realizing how I just don't feel like adapting into such fake world and how much I want to be true to myself.
Father, I know You will always by my side, protecting me.
And thank You for everything, Father.
You are the best.
In the name of Jesus, I pray.
Amen.
