A dream.

I dream about him, last Friday night.
Dream makes me feel so good, yet feel so sad by the moment I wake up.


We are having dinner together, 
With his family along.
Everything seems fine, like how we used to be.
If I still recall, it looks like A&W to me.
A place that they love to go for dinner once a while.
I serve the food for them,
Take the sauces,
And we sit down and eat.
Everyone looks happy and excited about the food.


And then I ask him,
Why does he block me in Facebook.
He tells me with a very happy emotion,
That he doesn't want to see my updates on Facebook,
Because it hurts.
And surprisingly,
we start joking around.
Everything seems so fine, no harsh feelings.


People say that dreams is opposite side of reality.
I guess it is. :)
Yes, he block me in Facebook.
Didn't get to see what he's up to.
Cannot tell if he moved on, or he hates me still.
Cannot see what he's up to, is he going for another girl already?
Cannot see if he changed his lifestyle after I'm gone in his life.
I cant see anything.


I really thought, we can still talk.
Like how we did in the dream.
Well, its just a dream, isn't it? 


It still hurts, tho.
It hurts.


I guess I have to move on.
Knowing you don't want to even know anything about me anymore.
:)
I will still check you out,
And see if you are okay.
I will. :)
Even though you treat me like shit,
I don't mind.
I will still wait for you.
No matter how long it takes.


Father,
Your daughter speaking. :)
I do not know if I did the right thing this time,
But I know there must be a reason You brought me this far.
I am really happy and get to enjoy the life without any extra burden.
Thank you Lord.


Amen. 


I love you.

Heartache

Talk about relationship last night.

Had an argument.

And I know I did something wrong.

He is hurt.

I hurt his feeling.

I keep telling the world, including himself,

That we are not together.

And he's totally free and available.

He hate it.

He is upset about it.

And he burst it out,

By telling me how sad he feels.

Dear anonymous,

I dont know if I can count on you.

I can definitely imagine that if we are together,

I will be the one standing besides you,

Watching you socializing/playing with other girls.

And I cant see myself to accept it.

I have no clue what should I do with it.

If I were to control you,

Then there will be no point of what we doing now.

Because, it is our freedom to socialize.

I hate the fact that I am the one you deeply in love with,

But not the one you are close to.

You dont know me.

You never do.

One word to describe my feeling.

Insecure.

Yes, I feel insecure when I'm with you.

Well, end of this argument,

We both agree that we stay the way we are.

No pressure.

Single Life

Been very very busy lately.

I mean, seriously busy.

But I am happy.

Very happy.

Because I am single,

I no longer have to spend my time or squeeze out my time for my boyfriend.

I finally have my own time at Saturday, doing my own thing.

Tomorrow will be a Saturday that has 'me' time.

I am looking forward to it.

I saw his post.

He say that he wants to move on.

Even though we broke up,

It still hurts me a little bit.

But I never regret making this decision.

I feel like I have my life again.

Busy with being a student, a performer, a leader.

I can fully concentrate on what I have to do in my college life.

And it is good for me to be focus.

Relationship makes me lost focus.

I will do everything for my love ones,

Including screwing up my life.

That is why I want to stop it.

Life is busy, but it is really fun.

I did so many things in a week,

All the stress and tiring moment,

And all the happy and relieved moment is so precious,

The memory lasts forever.

I am happy with my life now.

I will move on too.

In your face. :)

Dear Father,

I get what You mean now. :D

You really open up my eyes to a world that I would never imagine.

I love You Lord.

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.

Be beside me, dont leave me.